22. December 2008 by Joe Gergen.

You know how you’ll see headlines that go something like  “FBI: Leaks to media unsolved” or “SEC: We had no idea what a ponzi scheme was.”  So I saw one the other day that I thought read “NASCAR: Polar ice melting at accelerated rate.” I’m thinking, why does NASCAR care about polar ice? Obviously it was NASA who was talking about polar ice, but I did figure out why NASCAR would care.

Why does NASCAR care? Well, not for the obvious reason that they spew untold and pointless pollution into the air during their races and practices. And not because their plans for a NASCAR track at the North Pole would be foiled.

No, it’s because sea levels will rise and and flood places like the Florida panhandle, Georgia and Alabama and thus displacing the majority of NASCAR fans. The furture of the sport might be at stake.

If they are so worried  about sea levels rising, maybe they should come up witha  strategy to combat ice melt. Maybe they should go green. Convert all race cars to electric. No more pollution.

I know it sounds silly, but remember that car companies gain great deals of knowledge from car racing in designing new cars in respects to aerodynamics, horse power and so on. So it might stand to reason that car companies could learn a great deal about electric motors and batteries and the like from racing electric cars. 

 And if NASCAR doesn’t want to go green, I say we nationalize it and force it to go green. That way NASCAR could benefit all Americans, not just those in the Florida panhandle. And then from all the technological advances that occur we can design the new People’s Car and then we can nationalize Chrysler and have them make the new People’s Car.

Brilliant!

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6. December 2008 by Joe Gergen.

I have been intrigued for the last few days by some Hershey’s Mint Chocolate Candy Canes. I saw them the other day at the grocery store. Being a chocolate-loving person, I suspected they would disappoint. Not because they would necessarily be bad but that they would not be chocolate.  I am thinking they would smell a great deal like some good chocolate but would not taste like chocolate. Perhaps not as bad but somewhere in the realm of chocolate soda pop, smells good but tastes really not like chocolate.

I am pretty sure I will buy some before the holiday season is over. The good thing is the pack of 12 will probably last until spring as I will resort to eating them only when I have a severe sweet tooth and there is nothing else to satisfy the craving.

Kind of like I buy eggnog every year except that I really like eggnog.  But it’s so rich I can only drink a cup of it and I assure it will not last until spring. I’ll still buy some.  Though this year I am going to have a backup drink.  I was at a party a couple weeks ago and had some hot apple cider with cinnamon sticks.  That was good. Maybe a little too good.  And I didn’t even put any booze in it. And clearly much less filling.

And for those of you who love chocolate or know someone who does, Linda introduced me to BT McElrath a few years ago.  Just amazing.

http://www.btmcelrath.com/

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5. December 2008 by Joe Gergen.

You know how sometimes when you eat out for breakfast or decide to make a big brunch that the amount of food, the fattiness or sweetness is all just a bit too much.  And you think after your done, I did not need 3000 calories for breakfast. I did not need two eggs, pancakes, hash-browns and sausage. But that doesn’t stop us from doing it the next time.

I thought I saw a product this morning that instead of raging against this behavior, seemed to embrace it. My nephew was making some breakfast this morning and saw he was going to make some sausage. I saw the box across the kitchen and was sure the box said “Sizzle and Seizure.” I thought, now that is embracing the spirit of the mega breakfast. No apologies.

The product name was actually “Sizzle and Serve” but we all know “Sizzle and Seizure” is more accurate and we accept the marketing ploy as the norm. Marketing. What a powerful thing. I was going to say that marketing is the opiate of the people, but that’s not quite right. But it is the something of the people for sure, I just haven’t put my finger on the right word. Maybe it’s the breakfast sausage of the people. Who knows.

I do know I made my nephew make me some breakfast while he was at it and so was in no ways deterred  by the overt or covert message of the “Sizzle and Seizure” sausage.

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2. December 2008 by Joe Gergen.

OK,

So I saw a panel truck today with a logo on it that read “BJs Wood Services.’  Nope, I didn’t misread it.

That’s it. I’ve got nothing.

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1. December 2008 by Joe Gergen.

I was driving home from North Dakota the other day after visiting my Mom. Not much to see on that road back except road signs and billboards. I misread a few.

A saw a sign on an exit ramp  somewhere between Bismarck and Fargo. I thought it said “No Survivors.” And as I looked to my right and saw a couple run down farm building, I thought, “Perhaps.” The sign actually said no services, which is obviously a common sign on exit ramps in North Dakota. I wondered whether No Survivors meant “if you’re looking for someone they are probably not here” or “if you take this exit you may not survive.”  I few years ago it was probably the first thought. But with oil booming and windpower growing the state has become a decent energy exporter with the state budget surplus this year over a billion, maybe they’re just trying to keep the opportunists out.

Then upon approaching Fargo I saw I a billboard that said “Industrial Medicine Services.” I wondered if this was an alternative to managed care. Kind of like industrial equipment, maybe.  Like the difference between a hobbyist table saw and an industrial table saw, or the difference between a $50 Black and Decker paint sprayer and a $4000 paint sprayer. The cheaper smaller equipment can be used by most anyone, can be set up quickly and kind of works for your needs and is efficient for small jobs. Whereas the big equipment probably takes some training, requires more setup and so is best used for big jobs and  pushing lots of units through.

Hey, hold on. That sounds just like managed care. See they thought they could pull one over on me. No siree. Whoever they are.

Oh, I did see a good sign out front of a Walmart in North Dakota.  In front of a cage filled with X-mas trees I saw a sign that said “Christmas Trees are Free.” Alas it really just said “Christmas Trees are here.” Then I thought maybe a new priceless Visa commercial could go “Christmas is free. Enjoying it is not. Visa, it’s everything you want Christmas to be.” But that is so cynical.  Come on, the Whos proved you could enjoy Christmas without presents. I mean, all I need is some eggnog and a battered copy of The Ref.

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