1. October 2008 by Joe Gergen.

Yesterday I was looking for a homeopathic remedy (for what I shall not say) on the Internet. All kinds of things show up, of course. I misread one and thought it said “Homeopathic Cure for Sins.” I was like, Sweet.  Unfortunately it was actually Sinus and not sin.

Homeopathic medicine is an alternative to mainstream Western medicine, so I thought maybe there is a  homeopathic forgiveness  alternative to mainstream religious forgiveness. Kind of like  some homeopathic health cures don’t have the same nasty side effects as pharmaceuticals or surgery, so then a homeopathic cure for a sin might be free of typical side effects, say like guilt.

But maybe these cures really are out there. Or maybe they are not so much cures as treatments. Things like cleansings and meditations and herbals and body work. In essence, treating the spirit through the body.

Or maybe it wasn’t about the after effects but more of a vaccine. Perhaps it would stop you from sinning  or like a vaccine reduce the risk of sinning. Or perhaps it is like a sin contraceptive that allows you to sin but reduces or eliminates the repercussions. Or maybe that’s just called amorality.

Speaking of misreadings. As often as I misread things I am sure there are at times subconscious or Freudian things at play. Or maybe you just at times misread it be something you want it to be.

Like just now I was looking at envelope on desk that I was reading the back of. Granted I was reading it upside down and it had one of those “Printed on Recycled Paper” logos and says Printed on recycled Paper containing at least 30% post consumer waste.

What I saw was “Contaminated at least 30%.” I’m not sure what that would mean but I thought it was maybe like hamburger that is “At last 75% lean” though I am not sure if I really know what that means either.

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29. August 2008 by Joe Gergen.

I was just driving home from picking up some wood, and I got behind this panel van with logo with a globe that I thought said “SeverWorld.”  (Actually said ServerWorld, which I thought was kind of lame)

So I’m thinking “SeverWorld”, what kind of company is this. Obviously not in the business of decapitations. Maybe they help relocate you, thus severing you from your old home.  Or maybe they help sever you from your crappy life, like a mobile band of roving interventionists hired by you or a loved (or more likley unloved one).

Maybe they are like the privatized version of witness protection. You pay them to create a new life for you somewhere else after you have effed up your current one. Maybe money can buy you a clean slate.

Or maybe you can hire them to sever someone out of your world. Need to get rid of loser husband, call SeverWorld. Annoying co-worker or boss, call SeverWorld. It’s like calling out a non-lethal hit on someone. Instead of killing them, they get relocated to Bolivia or Zambia. And by he time they get back they are so traumatized and emotionally wrecked they just fall off the radar.

Call today.

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28. July 2008 by Joe Gergen.

As the Minnesota State Fair inches closer, I remember walking through the grounds last year and seeing a booth in the distance over the throngs of people. “Cruelty Fries” is what I thought it said and was intrigued by the idea, believing that many of the foods at the state fair are indeed cruel tricks on unsuspecting fair goers. Read the rest of this entry »

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20. July 2008 by Joe Gergen.

“Hundreds of baby geniuses washing up dead on Brazilian shores” is what I thought the headline read. An awfully shocking thought that was fortunately a misread on my part. I could unfortunately imaging the cult out there that might exist that was kidnapping the world’s smartest babies. Read the rest of this entry »

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12. June 2008 by Joe Gergen.

Sounds like an odd combination but the other day I saw a poster and I thought it read “Who’s the Funniest? Vomiting Starts June 7^th.” Read the rest of this entry »

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4. June 2008 by Joe Gergen.

I was out walking one day and saw a sign that I thought started a little something like this: “Are you or do you know someone who is poignant, if so call…”  

It actually said “Are you or do you know someone who is pregnant, if so call…” It was a sign offerening services to pregnant women. Read the rest of this entry »